My husband decides we were going on a date last night - fine with me! However we needed a sitter so he decides to call his mom. This panicked me a little b/c the kids don't really know her. They know WHO she is but she doesn't treat them like her other grandchildren and doesn't try to spend time with them. She has watched Elijah twice in 6 yrs and Isaiah once. I knew they would be fine once they were there playing with her 4 adopted kids but if I found out she whipped MY children with her precious flyswatter I was going to shove it down her throat. She may think that is okay for her children but not ours especially by HER! Anyway the day went on and on and it was getting later so I assumed for some reason we weren't going which made me sad and happy!! He finally says well are you ready I am going to take a quick shower. My reply well its late now. Then he says, "well they can just spend the night!" WHOA NELLY! This was NEVER discussed! A couple of hours is one thing, spending the night is quite another!!!!!!!!!! I said, "honestly I don't think Isaiah will spend the night with her." He replies with, "well they spend the night with your mom and they will just have to get used to it!" No not okay! First of all Isaiah wakes up every time he spends the night at my Mom's b/c he isn't in his own bed and he is over there every day. Since my Dad hasn't been able to sleep in the bed b/c of his neck surgery 3 yrs ago, Isaiah just crawls in bed with her. I don't think crawling in bed with "Grandma" Francie will help him out. "Getting used" to Martez's mom should involve going over there to visit a few times and THEN spend the night not just spending the night the first time!! Oh I could feel the panic. He calls his mom says we'll be there in a little bit then runs to get the boys something to eat. In the meantime I tell Elijah to just go ahead and put his PJs on. With a panicked look on his face and tears in his eyes he says "can we just go to Meme and Papa's house instead?" My answer, "No Daddy made plans for you to go to Grandma Francie's house and Meme & Papa are still in Branson." Holding back his tears he then asks to go to his Aunt Lisa's house and then asks to go to Aunt Karen's house. I say feeling so sorry for him, "No Daddy already made plans so you can spend time with your other Grandma and play with her kids and I need you to be a big boy and help with Isaiah." I just can't seem to get it through my husband's head that they only really know her as HIS Mom and not a Grandma and they don't just love her simply b/c she is YOUR Mom. Any opportunity she has to spend time with them she squanders. For example, their birthday parties IF she shows up she only shows up for about 20 or 30 minutes of the party and then doesn't really acknowledge them. She will come by the house and stand outside to chit chat with Martez every now and then but then only comes in to say hi and bye to them. If she does come in, she is too busy trying to control her kids to do anything more than ask what they are doing and ask for a hug goodbye. She talks to Martez every day on the phone and doesn't ask to speak to the kids. Yes she will ask how they are doing but THEY don't know that! My list of grievances against her as a Grandma to OUR kids could go on for forever. It really hurts me and Martez to see her with her other grandchildren that she just adores. Don't get me wrong I would love for her to be involved but ONLY if SHE wants to and can learn to love our kids without prejudice. I will not push our kids to love someone who doesn't show love in return and in fact treats them as less. Someone who treats them like strangers and not family! I know people show love in different ways but her way is just too strange for me! I don't speak ill of her to them or in front of them b/c I don't ever want to be the blame for them not having a relationship with her but I am not going to sing her praises either. ANYHOW he calls her when we are about to leave (about twenty min later) and finds out she has left to go to a fish fry in North Tulsa. I said, "does she have enough car seats?" knowing full well she wouldn't. He then finds out that it was a "family" affair and she had also taken his sister and her two kids with her. Somehow she thought it would be okay for her to take home herself, her adult daughter, her four kids and four Grandchildren with just one car seat and three 3yr olds. BUT she KNEW we wouldn't go for that. This was not okay with us since we are sticklers about car seats! Needless to say he was not happy with his Mother since she knew we were bringing the kids over there and she "all of the sudden" had to go out North for a "spur of the moment" fish fry for about 30 people. Sounds a little fishy to me!! lol My guess is she didn't really want to watch our kids so she just left to go to her sister's for a fish fry!! FINE WITH ME! We decided we will go on a date next weekend.....we'll see if I have some other arrangements for the kids made before then. Gonna call my sister to see if she "wants" them to come over next weekend.
My final statement: Hey woman if you don't want to watch my kids then say so don't make other last minute plans b/c I can't force you to love my kids and I don't need to b/c my entire family and our friends love them willingly, unconditionally and abundantly! It is your choice to have a relationship with them and from now on it is ALL up to YOU! You just have NO clue what you are missing out on - my kids are amazing!!!
