"MAY"HEM

Here is May and the beginning of June in a nutshell......hold onto your seats folks......

Friday before Mother's Day, Dad went into the hospital where he remained for a week with diverticulitis and a perforated colon.  I battled bronchitis and didn't get to even visit my Dad.  My sister also went to the hospital when she passed out while getting her haircut. I missed two days of work due to illness then an EF2 tornado hit our neighborhood....scary yet somewhat humorous post with pics will be up soon.  No power for about a day!  Dad and Sister got out of the hospital then I went to the ER because........I could NOT breath like thought I was going to die can't breath.  Now if that doesn't freak you out what will.  So Dad went to the cardiologist the following week to hear "Everything looks good.  There is one area of the heart that is not getting enough blood but I can give you a medication for that."  Ok things looking up right!

WRONG!

Dad started the new medication which apparently was supposed to start gradually even though this was not the directions from the cardiologist!  This made his blood pressure plummet and sent him to the hospital once again on Isaiah's birthday.  The same day Avani got second degree burns on her thigh and also went to the hospital.  My sister also went back to the hospital.  All three are out of the hospital for a few days.  My sister goes back into the hospital and has her gallbladder removed.  This was supposed to be the end of all the drama since May was finally over.

So we thought......then June rolled in!

Isaiah had to have oral surgery on June 1st.  A few days later Dad went to his primary care doctor for a routine visit BUT got sent straight to the hospital yet again to have a heart cath.  A day later the heart cath revealed a 90% blockage and they placed a 2nd stint.  I guess it is time for a new cardiologist since he totally missed the 90% blockage at Dad's appointment the month before and said, "Everything looks good!" 

Last but definitely NOT least...

I go to Urgent Care because I got bit by a brown recluse....more on that later too...but to ease your fears my leg did not rot off!  Then nephew Logan goes to the ER twice in two days.  Then Avani damages a previous break in her wrist at my boys' birthday party (more on that one too!) and goes to the ER.  I am shooting for a peaceful July and starting it out with a mini vacation!  That should do the trick!

We don't plan on seeing the inside of the 4 hospitals and 2 urgent cares the family frequented anytime soon....although I guess we didn't plan any of those visits to begin with!!

THE OLDIES?

So we got a new radio station in town called GenX radio.  GenX plays mostly 90s music and I love it!  I know every word to almost every song and boy can I sing along.  Makes me feel young again.  I can hear a song and tell you what I was doing in either high school or college.  Takes me back!

One day I was singing along and Elijah says, "Hey Mom, is this the oldies?"

Wow! 

Really?

Hmm....doing the calculations in my head I had nothing to say other than, "Well yes I guess so!"  Can it be that songs from my youth are now considered oldies by kids?  How sad is that!

Sooooo....the next day I am telling the young bucks at work about Elijah's comment.  One chimes in with, "Wow I was 10 when that music played!"  The other chimes in with, "I was 6!" 

Seriously?

I no longer speak to them about my youth!

Dear Annoying Spider......

Dear Annoying Spider,

First off I feel you should know I hate spiders.  Not prejudiced by your undying attempt to annoy me....I hate you all big and small.  Secondly, you should know I am not a morning person.  I am not necessarily grouchy or mean just extremely sleepy and want to be left alone.  I get up around 5am daily and want my peace.  My only peace is I don't have to get the kids up and ready at the butt crack of dawn too! 

For weeks you have managed to make a web between my husband's truck and mine.  For weeks, I have walked through this web each and every morning when leaving for work.  The first couple of times I was grossed out and flailed my arms about while gagging.  I hate spiders!  I hate the feeling of walking through a web then freak out at the fact that the spider might be on me.  My only peace has been obviously you were not on me since you manage to rebuild the web nightly. 

After weeks of this morning ritual, one would think the spider would give up or the human aka moi would realize the routine and look for the web instead of walking through the web!  I began to think you were stupid.  Seriously, how many times will you rebuild the web before you give up?  Then I thought.......wow I am an idiot!!  How many times am I going to walk through it?  In my defense......soooooo not the morning person and the brain doesn't fully kick in until at least 7am when I begin my workday.  I grew to admire your tenacity and smarts realizing I was the stupid one.  I began to resent you for your smarts!  I would think about you everyday while driving to work and secretly still freaking out that you might be on me.  Then I began to anticipate the webs in hopes that the web would verify you never actually touched me when I walked through the web the day before!  Insanity I know!   You took over my morning thoughts for way too long each morning especially since I am giant compared to you.  Then I would feel stupid giving you too much thought!  You can only imagine how stupid I feel writing you a letter!  I began to wonder if somehow this was a hilarious game for you.  You probably built the web, invited over some of your little spidey friends to see the stupid human lady walk through the web then freak out!  I bet you laughed plenty at my expense.

Well I am here to tell you I have won the battle and am here to say I have been victorious.  Typing that sentence cracks me up since it was a battle against a spider that in my thoughts is no larger than the head of a pin.  Any larger and I could still freak out!!  I have beat you at your game!  I am the bigger of the two - like that wasn't obvious!  Since I don't know where you actually live and watch me from afar I thought I would let you know....if I find you, I will kill you.  For now I have decided I will be backing my truck in nightly so I will no longer have to walk through your nasty webs to get into my car!  Yes, it may have taken me a while to figure out a solution but I did it!  Leave me alone!

Sincerely,

The giant compared to you lady who took weeks to beat you at your game.  I will remain anonymous to you to avoid scrutiny over the fact that it took me weeks to outsmart you......I am blaming fear!