"MAY"HEM

Here is May and the beginning of June in a nutshell......hold onto your seats folks......

Friday before Mother's Day, Dad went into the hospital where he remained for a week with diverticulitis and a perforated colon.  I battled bronchitis and didn't get to even visit my Dad.  My sister also went to the hospital when she passed out while getting her haircut. I missed two days of work due to illness then an EF2 tornado hit our neighborhood....scary yet somewhat humorous post with pics will be up soon.  No power for about a day!  Dad and Sister got out of the hospital then I went to the ER because........I could NOT breath like thought I was going to die can't breath.  Now if that doesn't freak you out what will.  So Dad went to the cardiologist the following week to hear "Everything looks good.  There is one area of the heart that is not getting enough blood but I can give you a medication for that."  Ok things looking up right!

WRONG!

Dad started the new medication which apparently was supposed to start gradually even though this was not the directions from the cardiologist!  This made his blood pressure plummet and sent him to the hospital once again on Isaiah's birthday.  The same day Avani got second degree burns on her thigh and also went to the hospital.  My sister also went back to the hospital.  All three are out of the hospital for a few days.  My sister goes back into the hospital and has her gallbladder removed.  This was supposed to be the end of all the drama since May was finally over.

So we thought......then June rolled in!

Isaiah had to have oral surgery on June 1st.  A few days later Dad went to his primary care doctor for a routine visit BUT got sent straight to the hospital yet again to have a heart cath.  A day later the heart cath revealed a 90% blockage and they placed a 2nd stint.  I guess it is time for a new cardiologist since he totally missed the 90% blockage at Dad's appointment the month before and said, "Everything looks good!" 

Last but definitely NOT least...

I go to Urgent Care because I got bit by a brown recluse....more on that later too...but to ease your fears my leg did not rot off!  Then nephew Logan goes to the ER twice in two days.  Then Avani damages a previous break in her wrist at my boys' birthday party (more on that one too!) and goes to the ER.  I am shooting for a peaceful July and starting it out with a mini vacation!  That should do the trick!

We don't plan on seeing the inside of the 4 hospitals and 2 urgent cares the family frequented anytime soon....although I guess we didn't plan any of those visits to begin with!!

THE OLDIES?

So we got a new radio station in town called GenX radio.  GenX plays mostly 90s music and I love it!  I know every word to almost every song and boy can I sing along.  Makes me feel young again.  I can hear a song and tell you what I was doing in either high school or college.  Takes me back!

One day I was singing along and Elijah says, "Hey Mom, is this the oldies?"

Wow! 

Really?

Hmm....doing the calculations in my head I had nothing to say other than, "Well yes I guess so!"  Can it be that songs from my youth are now considered oldies by kids?  How sad is that!

Sooooo....the next day I am telling the young bucks at work about Elijah's comment.  One chimes in with, "Wow I was 10 when that music played!"  The other chimes in with, "I was 6!" 

Seriously?

I no longer speak to them about my youth!

Dear Annoying Spider......

Dear Annoying Spider,

First off I feel you should know I hate spiders.  Not prejudiced by your undying attempt to annoy me....I hate you all big and small.  Secondly, you should know I am not a morning person.  I am not necessarily grouchy or mean just extremely sleepy and want to be left alone.  I get up around 5am daily and want my peace.  My only peace is I don't have to get the kids up and ready at the butt crack of dawn too! 

For weeks you have managed to make a web between my husband's truck and mine.  For weeks, I have walked through this web each and every morning when leaving for work.  The first couple of times I was grossed out and flailed my arms about while gagging.  I hate spiders!  I hate the feeling of walking through a web then freak out at the fact that the spider might be on me.  My only peace has been obviously you were not on me since you manage to rebuild the web nightly. 

After weeks of this morning ritual, one would think the spider would give up or the human aka moi would realize the routine and look for the web instead of walking through the web!  I began to think you were stupid.  Seriously, how many times will you rebuild the web before you give up?  Then I thought.......wow I am an idiot!!  How many times am I going to walk through it?  In my defense......soooooo not the morning person and the brain doesn't fully kick in until at least 7am when I begin my workday.  I grew to admire your tenacity and smarts realizing I was the stupid one.  I began to resent you for your smarts!  I would think about you everyday while driving to work and secretly still freaking out that you might be on me.  Then I began to anticipate the webs in hopes that the web would verify you never actually touched me when I walked through the web the day before!  Insanity I know!   You took over my morning thoughts for way too long each morning especially since I am giant compared to you.  Then I would feel stupid giving you too much thought!  You can only imagine how stupid I feel writing you a letter!  I began to wonder if somehow this was a hilarious game for you.  You probably built the web, invited over some of your little spidey friends to see the stupid human lady walk through the web then freak out!  I bet you laughed plenty at my expense.

Well I am here to tell you I have won the battle and am here to say I have been victorious.  Typing that sentence cracks me up since it was a battle against a spider that in my thoughts is no larger than the head of a pin.  Any larger and I could still freak out!!  I have beat you at your game!  I am the bigger of the two - like that wasn't obvious!  Since I don't know where you actually live and watch me from afar I thought I would let you know....if I find you, I will kill you.  For now I have decided I will be backing my truck in nightly so I will no longer have to walk through your nasty webs to get into my car!  Yes, it may have taken me a while to figure out a solution but I did it!  Leave me alone!

Sincerely,

The giant compared to you lady who took weeks to beat you at your game.  I will remain anonymous to you to avoid scrutiny over the fact that it took me weeks to outsmart you......I am blaming fear!

MY BOY.....THE UNITED NATIONS!

So Elijah's teacher has been reading the Indian in the Cupboard series in class and he is OBSESSED.  She says he sits intently waiting with baited breath for each word.  He is now OBSESSED with Indians.  I swear to you we have a conversation over Indians daily now.....in the car, in the house, before bed when we too are reading a book from the series together, at Meme's, on the ride home from basketball....you get the pic....OBSESSED.  The boy has even made two of his very own bow and arrow sets from sticks and dental floss which surprisingly work quite well.  He chops down branches from our trees using a hand shovel so he can then make traps and shelters to trap his meal and rest.  He also makes Indian tacos with dirt and leaves from the magnolia tree and has requested an authentic Indian head dress.....you know.....to just wear around the house......specifically a Chief head dress!  He remembers the days when he was younger and we went to Pow Wows with our Native American friends and wants one of those "outfits you know mom that they dance around in"!!  He is on the verge of an identity crisis and wants to start sleeping outside!!

One day on the way home from school during the whole Indian conversation and the revelation he had when I told him Indians no longer live in teepees, he asked if he was Indian.  I told him that he does have Indian in him from Papa's side of the family as well as French on Papa's side and German on Meme's side but couldn't get through to him that it wasn't very much Indian.  To him it didn't matter "how much" just the idea of being Indian was exciting!!  Sure wish it was enough to get on the roll!!  Anyway the excitement was too much for him and the obsession has only grown since. 

The next week on our way home from basketball practice he asks, "Mom, how much Indian am I?"  I try to explain the process of how through the generations the percentage of Indian blood decreased but couldn't seem to explain it in a way that he could understand.  He then gets very excited and says, "Wow!  So if I am part Indian, am I part Cowboy too?"  I thought that was the cutest thing ever and chuckled at the thought that he had not quite learned the relationship of the original Cowboy and Indian days.  Instead of crushing his excitement I said, "Yes you are part cowboy too!"  He then says, "Sooooo.....how much cowboy am I?"  My answer, "Ask Papa!"  Very excited with his new found heritage he says, "Mom I am like the United Nations.  I am half black, half carcasian (yes I know that is spelled wrong but that is how he said it!), half German, half French, half Indian and half Cowboy!"  Chuckling I said, "Your fractions mean you are three men rolled into one!"  His response, "Yep!" 

I love this kid!

DEAR DR. OZ

Dear Dr. Oz,

I always liked watching you on Oprah.  The mere information bonanza was enough to handle the disgusting truths you told.  I was very excited to hear you would be getting your very own television show.  I DVR your show daily and must admit I have a few little tidbits I would like to share with you although odds are you will never read this!!

The Truth Tube - I just don't get it!  There isn't an actually tube that you ask permission for them to "stand in".  It is really more of a platform not a tube and haven't they given permission before they agreed to be on the show.  Just so you know, you would never have my permission to televise my weight or waist size for all the world to see!  You must have some pretty brave guests!  I also want to know if you actually weigh the guests or if they tell you their weight and dress size.  Some of those ladies look like they weigh way more and I KNOW sometimes those dress sizes are WAY off!

The weight loss stories - Along with millions of Americans, I too am overweight and would love to lose weight.  I have lost 33 lbs recently but fear an underlying deadly disease is to blame so I merely choose to say I am eating healthier and move on.  Stress I believe anyway........When you ask the guests their weight loss secrets and they reveal them I just shrug.  Steel cut oats....ugh!   I would appreciate a story that included pop tarts, Nutri Grain bars or cereal for breakfast since I can't seem to like the steel cut oats that EVERYONE seems to love and lose weight eating.  Just a request!!  I know these choices aren't wise or anything you would recommend but I am a busy mom on the go.  My choices are a healthy banana, Nutri Grain bar or a pop tart on my way out the door.  It is either that or nothing at all!  I know you say "choose fresh" when you can but my current income and busy mom status needs to use those "pre-packaged" goods in order for a meal to ever be cooked.  SO why don't you let us know which "pre-packaged" goods are acceptable?!?!?  

The skin crawl factor - Half of your shows have just made my skin crawl!  I watch every evening and my family LOVES to learn all about their body by watching you.  I swear the amount of medical information in your head should make it explode!! The problem is I can't sleep because I am so grossed out!  The parasites like the tape worm.....ugh....gag....ugh! I swear I checked out my own poop for days looking for those little larvae sacks.  Disgusting I tell you!  I sort of hoped to catch some worms to lose weight until I saw this episode.  Then the whole parasite episode which again talked about worms put me over the edge!  Seriously I am thinking of scotch taping the butts of my entire family since now my butt itches at the mere thought of that episode.  Oh my.....the bed bugs show...ugh!  I swear I didn't sleep well for weeks.  I am an insomniac anyway so this did not help matters! (Yes I also watched the insomnia show!)  I woke up a million times a night feeling like something was crawling on me.  I removed draws looking for feces.  I removed the sheets and washed them while inspecting then vacuuming my mattress.  No sign of a single bug but still no sleep!  Thanks!  Between the creepy crawly feeling and the scotch tape that will be on my butt for fear of a parasite, I will never sleep the same again!  No more parasite shows so I don't go buy a microscope and start combing through our family's bowel movements!  Please I beg of you stop!!

Cheesy - I love you!  I really do but you are a tad cheesy on your new show!  Man it up a little!  Most of all I love your honesty but the acting is a little to be desired.  When you try to do all the new exercises, I must admit if I am not laughing then I am fast forwarding.  Probably should pay attention but it is hard when you look so awkward!

Style - I KNOW you have a stylist!  Does this stylist not know YOU DON'T WEAR WHITE SOCKS WITH BLACK SHOES?  PLEASE!!  Stop with the white socks and black shoes.....this is one of my biggest style pet peeves. 

Kudos - Kudos to you for your honesty and ability to talk about the embarrassing issues that no one else will even think about discussing on television.  Thank you for the show you did about Americans with no insurance!  It was eye opening at its best.  Unemployed for 7 LONG months and one of the millions of Americans now without insurance, this show made me appreciate that nothing is seriously wrong with us and appreciate all that you did for your guests.  Thank you!  Now if you could just find a cure for diabetes then you would be our hero! 

Thank you for all that you do and if by chance you read this please don't invite me to the show to embarrass me!!  I will NOT enter the truth "tube"!  ha!  Remember my family and I still ♥ you!

Sincerely,

Angela

I'M BAAAAAACK!!

NO I HAVE NOT FALLEN OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!

Gone three months and aching to post and read blogs and I only lost a few followers!!

I miss you all more than you can imagine and if you know me then you know I have a lot to tell you!!  Wow three whole months!  I don't know if I've ever been this quiet for this long!  I hope you all will come back and join in the fun which is my life!  I have soooo much to say and soooo many blog posts in my head just itching to get out!  Just a few more days and I will officially have internet at home again and will be able to post on a regular basis.  Until then hang on and get ready to ride..........

I have a couple of posts scheduled for you until I am up and running for good!!