Friday, April 20, 2007


Some people get all dressed up for work. Some people prepare long hours for school tests. Me, I am preparing to renew my license tomorrow. I went to get the tags for two of our vehicles last Friday when the tag agent woman (I don't really know what else they are called) informed me my drivers license expired the 31st of March and there is no grace period. It was Friday and I was off work and running late as usual so I looked like hell and there was no way I was getting my picture taken then. I mean really the license last years I am going to have to look my best! You all know how people make fun of license pics - not mine!! So for about 3 weeks I've been driving with no license without even realizing it. I probably wouldn't have noticed for months if she hadn't pointed it out. Surprisingly I haven't been pulled over which is so unreal with my crazy luck. I would be the one to not get a ticket until I have no license and then be hauled off to jail! I shouldn't be saying this since I still have to actually drive the kids to school and to the tag agency in the morning. I've been trying to decide which of my outfits make me look my smallest and my best. Anyway I was laughing at myself which I do quite often because I am making a whole lot more out of this than is needed. BUT then I had a really funny thought. Last year I had lost my license and had to go get a new one. They asked if all the info was still correct and I said yes. I mean don't I look like I weigh the same as I did when I was 20!!! Umm.....NO!! This is where the funny thought comes in: Imagine I work at a tag agency and a large 400lb woman comes in to renew her license which says she weighs 160lb. I ask the woman if all the info is still correct and she says yes. My reply would HAVE to be "Girl you know you do NOT weigh 160lbs. We might be able to pull off about 240lbs here but I can't in good conscience say 160lbs. Come on now!" This is when I would lose my job!!! I was literally laughing at myself - they say laughter is healthy I must be the picture of health (HA). Then comes the point where I wanted to cry. What if they really said that to me? I would absolutely die. So do I reveal the magic number tomorrow or stick with my 20 yr old weight. The weight on my drivers license now is about 60 lbs less than what I weigh and I've recently lost 20lbs so it was more than that. What if the attendant doesn't feel she can pull off the lie? I would die of embarrassment! What if she calls me on it? Now I have got to find the outfit that makes me look the absolute smallest I can look! I am going to search now and practice my smile! Just kidding well about the practicing the smile part I have that down! Man I crack myself up!! So watch the news in case they have a story about a mad fat woman who killed a tag agent worker for a smart remark about her weight - that would be me!!!

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