Sunday, November 23, 2008


I have been meaning to update on Maddox but it has been crazy then I just couldn't do it. The original update was amazing news about how all his levels were good, the heart was basically fixing all the problems on its own, he would be home soon and Tammi would be induced to have their 2nd child (a little girl) on Dec. 18th. This update didn't happen and on Friday Nov. 21st Maddox went home to be with his Heavenly Father who will make his heart whole and mend all his ailments. What an amazing boy! I can't even think of him now without crying because I truly believed he is the biggest miracle I have ever witnessed in my life and it makes me so sad to think about not hearing about another one of his miracles. I just shake my head everytime I even think about everything this boy went through and the amazing transformations that happened over and over that baffled his doctors who could only say "it was yet another miracle because this just doesn't happen!" This boy won a very special place in my heart when Tammi was 6mos pregnant and given no hope. I searched the internet for a doctor who could help Maddox until she was strong enough to believe she could handle it. This loss is devastating and in the beginning she always said she wasn't sure if once she wanted to have him for the fear of having to let him go. I have no clue the pain she is in now but I honestly believe she will never regret for a second all she endured for her baby boy even though in the end he wasn't hers to keep!
I have been thinking about this blog all weekend but everytime (including now) I even think about it I just cry!
I cry because of all the pain this baby endured and still came out of every situation with a miracle and a smile!
I cry at the pain these young parents are experiencing in real life when just the mere thought of losing a child crushes all other thoughts spinning in my head and just makes me cry...just the mere thought!
I cry for all the missed hopes and dreams everyone had for our little miracle boy!
I cry at the thought of a funeral with a casket so small with a boy larger than life and his family just starring at the lost love of their life ~ the baby they fought to save before he was even born then fought the entire 21 months he lived! They are young parents but they matured quickly and the love they had for Maddox and the lengths they went to to get him what he needed was awe inspiring to say the least!
I cry because I know he will be whole now! Surgery free! Pain free! Free to be his ornery funny little smiley self!
I cry b/c I will miss my daily updates and camera phone pics of a boy with tubes, gowns, scars, machines and STILL A SMILE!
I cry because just two days before little Maddox went to be with Jesus his parents were told he was doing great, the new heart was fixing all the problems on its own and he would be HOME before Christmas! His family was so excited to have both babies home for Christmas!
I got the call @ 5:22pm Friday from Brandi and I still do not know what happened but don't want to ask anymore questions than necessary while they are grieving. The funeral is Tuesday in Wagoner and I am unsure if I will be able to attend b/c of Zay's surgery and recovery but please please please pray for Maddox's parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and true fans (like ME!)
You've definitely earned your wings baby boy! We love you! Watch over your family, your new little sister and bring them peace - may they always feel your presence and remember your love of life no matter what it brought your way!
These are some of my favorite pics of Maddox

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