Monday, December 29, 2008


Every Christmas we go to my MIL's house to take her present and sit for awhile in the evening. Needless to say going there is not something I look forward to however she is my husband's mother and I do it for him. Don't get me started on my issues surrounding her and holidays that involve presents! My hubby has one Aunt that actually speaks to me and she is the sweetest lady but Christmas night she broke my heart. As we were getting out of the car she was walking out the door to leave. It saddened me a little at first knowing she was my only hope for conversation. After hugging and loving on Martez and our boys (she is the only one that does that too), she said, "Come here Angel give me a hug! I haven't seen you guys in so long."

I obliged and as I was walking away she said, "Oh my goodness I didn't know! What a blessing! Praise God! I can't believe you guys didn't tell me."

I had absolutely no clue what she was talking about and said, "Huh?"

She said, "You ARE, aren't you?" making the pregnant belly impression with her hand.

I quickly said, "NO I'm just fat but thanks!" holding my stomach and laughing.

She then replied with, "Well your stomach doesn't look pregnant but your butt is so big so I thought maybe you were just carrying your baby weight in your butt!"

"Nope I have always had a big butt!"

She counters with, "Well I've never seen it this big I mean your butt is really big!" This is when my stomach tied into knots, my heart broke into a million pieces and the tears welled up in my eyes. Seriously, I can joke about being a "big girl" with my other "big girl" friends, my "big" parents or my fat uncle but give me a break ~ one comment is enough then let it go. Hey if it is funny I will be the first to laugh but quit while you are ahead!

I just kept walking and said, "Yep thanks for letting me know!" fighting with all my might not to let the tears roll.

She really stopped me to continue, "Look at all that junk in the trunk! Your butt is bigger than mine!" OK ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! This is the point where I wanted to break her little twig body in half. Those of you that have seen my sister and how tiny she is ~ his Aunt is smaller than her. TINY I TELL YOU! My thumb is bigger than her butt! Don't act like you have a big butt ~ you only weigh 75lbs soaking wet! My three year old little boy has a butt bigger than her!

I said with tears in my eyes, "Thank you I get the point I have a big, enormous, massive butt, OK!" I just stood there praying at any point she would realize she was hurting my feelings and she would stop in hopes I wouldn't really cry but alas it continued.

"Well don't take it THAT way! I'm just saying your butt is big! Don't be like that! Look at my butt!..........................." She just went on and on about the gargantuan size of my hinny!

It was taking everything in me not to cry. EVERYTHING! I am not comfortable around his mother's side of the family. PERIOD! This definitely was not helping out! They have never treated me like anything other than an outsider ~ the white girl! I think the thing that annoys me the most is everything they "know" about me is based on their own assumptions because THEY HAVE NEVER ASKED ME ANYTHING about myself since day ONE. They just assume because I am white, my parent's own a business and I grew up in "Broken Arrow" that I "must" have led a charmed and pampered life with silver spoons and all! If only! No one except his Grandma Willie Mae (whom I love most because she sees how her children are and she gets SO annoyed), his Great Aunt Pinkie, his Sister and his Aunt Barb will even acknowledge me let alone speak to me or my children. After eight years, I am still not used to that and I thank God everyday that my family is NOTHING like them when it comes to my husband and children. This happened to me a year ago when my Grandfather-in-law angrily asked, "Who the hell are you and why are you here?" (that is a quote of his words not mine!) He then proceeded to tell me I was a real "fat ass" (that is a quote again of his words not mine) and when I thought at first I had heard him wrong he just repeated it about 5 times! This is the same man that said he was "sick" so he couldn't come to our wedding when in fact he was quoted as saying, "I will never attend a wedding where someone in my family marries a white girl! You don't marry the white girls you just keep them on the side!" Nice I know! Good thing my husband is more like his father's side of the family which I must say are the complete opposite ~ funny, loving, kind, outgoing, talkative.....! Looks like I got a little off topic which is very easy for me if my in-laws are brought up.......where was I.....oh yeah I didn't know there was a certain way to act in this situation and I probably wouldn't have been so upset if she would have just DROPPED IT! I didn't know there was a way to act when a paper thin woman won't quit telling you how big you are! If she were a stranger, then I probably would have had NO problem squashing her like a little bug but she is "family" and normally she is the nicest out of the whole bunch. I honestly don't think she intended to hurt my feelings but then she didn't know what to do so she tried to make it sound like she had a big butt too! Let me give you a visual ~ crackhead! Now she is not actually a drug addict but if you saw her body I guarantee that is the first thing that would come to your mind. She is so incredibly tiny that she looks like she is on drugs, anorexic or both! She is one of those bottomless pits that never gains a pound and struggles to keep weight on! Oh the "struggle"! I'm sorry Barb but our butts are in no way, shape or form comparable so it was a feeble attempt at turning the insults around! I walked away as she was still saying, "You just have big butt it isn't anything to be ashamed of!" The only nice thing I could say was, "Yes I get the picture I have a really big butt that I wasn't ashamed of until you acted like it was the 8th wonder of the world! Now please just DROP IT ALREADY AND GO HOME!"

While thinking about this last night I had several instances pop into my head, enough of them throughout my lifetime to cry myself to sleep. Why do people have to be so cruel? Like the time I was supposed to be in my VERY close high school friend's wedding until her Mom called my Mom to say they didn't make a dress in my size so I couldn't be in the wedding ~ very matter of fact like and not willing to let me go get measured by the store. I had never measured myself before and probably screwed it all up but she did not care! This was ridiculous because at the time I was a size 12/14 but she said I needed a size 24 dress according to my measurements which still TO THIS DAY I am not a 24 so I wonder if it was an excuse to not have me in the wedding b/c I didn't meet her Mother's weight limit. Little did she know I was in college and instead of gaining the "freshman fifteen" I ended up losing 30 pounds my freshman year! Maybe I should go back to college! It really hurt me along with the fact that I then never even got invited to the shower or wedding! I often wondered if my "friend" knew what her Mom had done or if her Mom had a different story to tell her but I haven't talked to her since so I guess I will never know! Needless to say I have grown to appreciate the people who love for WHO I am! I will soon be joining the workout world again in an effort to be healthier and shrink my butt! Not solely because of people's comments but because I went clothes shopping today and the mirror was definitely not my friend! Now I am in a deep, dark, have to lose weight, I am so fat, depression mood! If I don't in fact lose weight, I think I will make a huge career move to become a "big girl" clothes designer! Not every "big girl" is a grandma, not every big girl WANTS her jeans to stretch out and look saggy/baggy after fifteen minutes (I want my clothes to hold me in not allow me to stretch out! I am not after all this ~ pregnant!) and not every "big girl" has Double GG's so quit making those dart things for the boobs so huge!!

1 comment:

  1. Oh sister I feel you! I feel you so much that I was just bawling for you. About 30 minutes prior to reading this I went to Wal-Mart to get some groceries and also decided to bring home 3 "health and fitness" magazines for ideas. I am at my heaviest now and just completely depressed with you! ((HUGS))


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