Saturday, January 24, 2009


So while admiring the cluster of under-the-skin-painful-unable-to-pop-for-like-a-month zits that have taken control of my jaw line and by jaw line I mean the area that should be my jaw line but rather a mere slant into the giant double chin that should be my neck my mind wondered and it went a little something like this! (WOW can we say run-on sentence! lol)
I was washing my face then putting on the usual nightly fixes aka expensive products that aren't doing a thing I thought of Elijah. Poor boy has had eczema since he was a baby. He used to scratch his legs until they bled but now he scratches and constantly looks ashy. I mean the boy can put lotion on and five minutes later I am telling him to put more on because his skin is "thirsty". The boy has a major aversion to lotion. By aversion I mean doing the whole "I've got to pee" dance with arms flapping saying "I hate lotion" then stomping away to which I answer "Don't say the word hate say I don't like" to which he replies "I don't like lotion a whole lot because it makes me feel wet like I peed my pants or something!" Well at least he didn't say hate! lol Then with this thought came....
At one point his pediatrician prescribed a lotion that upon filling the prescription and reading the warnings I failed to use. In all capitals the very first sentence read: "DO NOT USE THIS LOTION ON CHILDREN! IT HAS BEEN FOUND TO CAUSE LEUKEMIA IN STUDIES INVOLVING CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 12!" At first I panicked b/c I had used this very lotion when it first came out when E was a tiny baby obviously before the scientist freaks "tested it on children" then I was ticked off that the pediatrician prescribed it to my boy. Are you freaking kidding me? This thought then went to.....
At this point I decided to take E to a dermatologist. E was just 5 at the time and I figured the dermatologist would have some miracle cream or life altering suggestions. NOPE! No hot baths ~ first of all what child takes a HOT bath to begin with but I have known this little fact since he was diagnosed as a baby! Oatmeal in the bath water to aid in the itching ~ no news here! Avoid steroid creams because the skin will actually thin and crave the steroids thereby causing more itching and requiring more steroids to relieve the itching ~ again no news to me since I've been dealing with this for so long and my Hubs has psoriasis! His list of useless info could go on and on. Doc then decides he needs Elijah to take his pants off and lie on his belly since his worst area is his thighs (front and back) and his butt. Nothing weird here......UNTIL.......he is looking at the eczema and his scaring then proceeds to spread the cheeks.....little odd to me.....then while he is talking to me he's sitting there with his big ol hands on E's butt cheeks squeezing them with his whole hands and continuing to talk to me and squeeze and talk and saying, "Elijah pull your pants up please and go stand in the hall!" at which point the Doc did a little drum roll pat on Elijah's rear and Elijah did as he was told. I begin to tell the doctor who I think was just naturally doing it and not even realizing it which creeped me out even more that i thought what he was doing was entirely inappropriate, I didn't think he should be seeing children if he couldn't keep his hands to himself, I would like his prescriptions and I would not be returning so I needed a referral! I then had to talk to my five year old about how it was not right for the dermatologist or anyone to touch his butt like that ever and to tell Mommy if someone ever does it again. I may have overreacted but it made me sick to my stomach, the whole mommy intuition crept through my veins along with plenty of adrenaline and I'm going to kick your butt chemicals. This thought made me think......
I have a couple of single women friends who might want to go see the butt squeezing dermatologist claiming some sort of weird rash for him to see!

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