I DID THE UNSPEAKABLE

In a desperate search to find Zay a costume for a Halloween event tomorrow I did the unspeakable. I swore I would never do IT again! I even said "Mark my words! Never!" After three stores without even an inkling of a costume to fit Zay, I was desperate. It was as if my car drove itself there. I know, scary right! You are just lucky YOU weren't in the car too! Going to take the car into the shop to check on the auto-pilot feature b/c I certainly would NEVER have gone there after I swore them off!! Serious auto-pilot malfunction and I couldn't stop the car no matter how hard I tried...it's just so big! I knew it was wrong but I went in anyway. I prayed that no one I knew would see me there and make fun of my earlier ranting. It just felt so good almost like I was on a vacation to a far off land with a million dollars in hand or going out with that forbidden boy as a teenager. It was like a drug and I was seriously HIGH!! I walked in and stuffed the cart with many unnecessary items from the dollar spot and well it just felt right. It was like seeing an old friend and squeezing them with the fear of never seeing them again once they leave. I peeked around corners making sure I saw no one I knew!! The sad part is Elijah knew it was wrong but he also enjoyed it. What am I teaching my children? Oh the pain of addiction and to think I was clean of the multi million dollar JERKS (I really do hate them for abusing ME!) for almost three months. Just hearing their name would make me angry! I am mad at myself for even THINKING of going there, let alone the action of actually walking in those doors and hearing the loud "Aaaawwwww!" of a choir of angels and a unmistakable sigh of relief in seeing my old friend. Yes you have it guys I DID IT! I WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN! MARK MY WORDS AGAIN! STOP LAUGHING I AM SERIOUS! I HATE THAT I EVEN BETRAYED MY WORD BUT I DID OK!! For those of you that know me and what I am even talking about just don't say a word because Elijah already said it all as the car automatically drove into the parking lot, "Mommy I thought you said you would NEVER shop in TARGET again EVER!" My response was like many other addicts, "I have to baby I don't have any other choice!" Wow I lied to him on purpose and it was only to cover my butt! The sad part is in my desperate need to find the costume aka my desperate need to see the inside of a Target I failed to find a costume to fit Zay and will have to resume my search tomorrow elsewhere b/c I spent so long with my old friend that other stores were then closed. OH THE SHAME!! Now I will say it again.......I WILL NEVER SHOP AT TARGET AGAIN AFTER TODAY!!...MARK MY WORDS! LOLOLOL The funny part is when I shushed Elijah while he almost spilled the beans to Daddy he then creatively changed the name to Wal-mart and winked at me with his cute little grin so I had to laugh!! That's my boy....although I shouldn't teach him things like that are cute it WAS!!